Cenris Hildur
02-17-2011, 06:11 AM
Hello to whoever this may concern,
I'm just making this post to say that as much as it pains me to do it all things aside I need to stop gaming, not forever, but for some time. For those that know me even just a little bit you will know what a little hothead I am really. I'm very over competitive, I'm an elitist to the core and I hate losing. It is immature, childish behaviour but I've always been really passionate about anything I compete in and it irritates me and hurts me when I have issues obtaining the position I feel happy enough with. I then end up blowing my fuse and giving up too easily, more-so recently than ever before. After taking it all too seriously, I rage off far too quickly and we all know (well, most of us...) how it feels and it sucks for those raging and those being raged at.
Darkfall is a hard game to play. It is full of shit-talking ninnies and absolute morons in every clan going, and if you let it affect you like it does me it just worsens things and drains you. I am not a nice person in reality, at least not all the time. I can become malicious and blood-thirsty and its not a trait I've always had. I don't know if its gaming that has brought it out or other issues I've had in the past few years but it needs to stop really. I run the very real risk of giving myself a heart attack or a stroke with the way I overreact and seethe in my own disgust things people say, do and things that happen to me/us. At the end of the day it is only a game, but when you are someone like me who has no real close friends and has nothing to really latch onto that actually means anything, a game can become very important to you. Mix that with a prideful nature and you have an absolute mess.
To sum it up I'm just miserable all the time in and out of game. I hate my life at the moment. I know I'm not some African kid with kwashiokorkor and arms the size of toothpicks, or an unemployed mother of five trying to feed all those little mouths but it still gets me down. It's supposed to be a time of recreation and positive reflection, not slitting your your jugular and pouring bloody acid into it. I wouldn't say gaming affects my schooling or anything like that but more my mentality. I've always done well in school and I still am, and many know how much I used to play and I'm still up all night very often. The mentality gaming feeds me is my meticulous over-analysing. I am ALWAYS trying to improve myself in terms of efficiency, accuracy and try and solve every little kink. A perfectionist as much as an elitist, but they are practically the same thing anyway. It's like I have an itch, an OCD itch.
Anyway I hate making things over-dramatic but it may sound a bit dramatic from what you've just read.
I must just go away for a while, learn to just grow up, accept failure more, learn to cope with these things, deal with stress issues and let go of my virtual pride. The Raged guys will know how hard it is for me to stay away but I must do it at least for a while really.
So I will see you guys when I see you, I'd definitely say I will be back because nothing captivates me as much as online gaming does. Good luck for any major events that happen in my absence, yada yada yada, stay cool. Cya, eventually.
I'm just making this post to say that as much as it pains me to do it all things aside I need to stop gaming, not forever, but for some time. For those that know me even just a little bit you will know what a little hothead I am really. I'm very over competitive, I'm an elitist to the core and I hate losing. It is immature, childish behaviour but I've always been really passionate about anything I compete in and it irritates me and hurts me when I have issues obtaining the position I feel happy enough with. I then end up blowing my fuse and giving up too easily, more-so recently than ever before. After taking it all too seriously, I rage off far too quickly and we all know (well, most of us...) how it feels and it sucks for those raging and those being raged at.
Darkfall is a hard game to play. It is full of shit-talking ninnies and absolute morons in every clan going, and if you let it affect you like it does me it just worsens things and drains you. I am not a nice person in reality, at least not all the time. I can become malicious and blood-thirsty and its not a trait I've always had. I don't know if its gaming that has brought it out or other issues I've had in the past few years but it needs to stop really. I run the very real risk of giving myself a heart attack or a stroke with the way I overreact and seethe in my own disgust things people say, do and things that happen to me/us. At the end of the day it is only a game, but when you are someone like me who has no real close friends and has nothing to really latch onto that actually means anything, a game can become very important to you. Mix that with a prideful nature and you have an absolute mess.
To sum it up I'm just miserable all the time in and out of game. I hate my life at the moment. I know I'm not some African kid with kwashiokorkor and arms the size of toothpicks, or an unemployed mother of five trying to feed all those little mouths but it still gets me down. It's supposed to be a time of recreation and positive reflection, not slitting your your jugular and pouring bloody acid into it. I wouldn't say gaming affects my schooling or anything like that but more my mentality. I've always done well in school and I still am, and many know how much I used to play and I'm still up all night very often. The mentality gaming feeds me is my meticulous over-analysing. I am ALWAYS trying to improve myself in terms of efficiency, accuracy and try and solve every little kink. A perfectionist as much as an elitist, but they are practically the same thing anyway. It's like I have an itch, an OCD itch.
Anyway I hate making things over-dramatic but it may sound a bit dramatic from what you've just read.
I must just go away for a while, learn to just grow up, accept failure more, learn to cope with these things, deal with stress issues and let go of my virtual pride. The Raged guys will know how hard it is for me to stay away but I must do it at least for a while really.
So I will see you guys when I see you, I'd definitely say I will be back because nothing captivates me as much as online gaming does. Good luck for any major events that happen in my absence, yada yada yada, stay cool. Cya, eventually.