lol That's actually pretty damn good...

Really damn good.

How about change "form the mortar from which" to "form the mortar with which" because form and from confuse the eye for a moment...

Maybe you can add some sounds of horses whinnying and snorting in between the text?

And can you animate the lens flare? There are some premade animated lens flares on flashkit.com . You just drop the little scene into the larger movie at that place.

Really great intro. What's gonna come after this? What is this a segue into?